Brought up at Eton?

 I was dragged up kicking footballs on a bomb-site

Never destined for Oxbridge blue

But I once had a girlfriend 

Who'd kissed the cox of the boat race crew

Ch: You may think I was brought up at Eton

Silver spoon in a golden cup

But you're surely mistaken

I was eaten first and then brought up

Tara Courouther- Smythe got pregnant

Lord Fontenoy-Farquer had his way

Cost her father a fortune

On the double-barrel shotgun wedding day.

Ch: You may think I was brought up at Eton

Silver spoon in a golden cup

But you're surely mistaken

I was eaten first and then brought up

I got no time for aristocracy

Brighton's the only pier don't make me sick

Everyone of them is a Lombard

Loads of money but a right dick.

Ch: You may think I was brought up at Eton

Silver spoon in a golden cup

But you're surely mistaken

I was eaten first and then brought up

Give it to me Straight Now!

 Been doing Wrong?

Well, you been out there on your own

While I been waiting by the phone

Must think I'm stupid, must think I'm dumb

That you been spending so much time with your lovely mum

Ch: Tell me baby What's going on

Give it to me straight now, You been having fun? 

you're talking with a twist

Firmly on the missing list

something's happening I can tell

Come in all hours with a funny small

Your excuses and alibis

Just about substancial as McDonalds fries

Just about as honest as Pinnochio.

 Past her sell-by Date

She weren't that young anymore

When her old man walked out the door

Time for her had come too late

She was past her sell-by date

This old bird once finger licking

now no longer a spring chicken

Life for her was but a sham

she was mutton dressed as spam